Ever feel like you just can't win?

That is how I feel when dealing with my ex. I have tried my best to remain on friendly terms hoping and praying that he might someday wake up and really want to be a dad to his children before it is too late. But he just keeps making it harder and harder. Amanda is not only refusing visitation again, she is basically refusing all contact with him. And rather than trying to find out why she is that upset he alternates between blaming me and getting angry at her....... calling her feelings of hurt and betrayal disrespectful of him rather than being honest and admitting it was his behavior that caused them and trying to help her work through them. Typical but disappointing to say the least.

Visitation this weekend has been rocky at best and today he caused a huge commotion right before church which could have been totally avoided had he just been able to act like a responsible adult. He had everyone in tears and it took most of the church service to calm them down. The twins are still quick to forgive and wanted to go back to him after church but Jeremy ended up calling me in tears asking me to come and get him because Dad was being mean. It seems anytime they don't behave exactly as he wants he "threatens" them with sending them back to mom's house as punishment. Well today Jeremy decided mom's house was a better place to be when he got sick of dad yelling about how horrible I was and then yelling at Jeremy when he tried to stick up for me. I feel like 2 years later I still can't do a good job protecting them and find myself wishing he would just go away!