When fall rolls around

is the only time I miss living in Upstate NY. I grew up in a small town about 32 miles south of Lake Placid (where the 1980 winter olympics were). The fall colors in the Adirondacks are literally breath taking. I miss that. But my little brother, who still lives in the town we grew up in, sent me these pics yesterday and they reminded me that I absolutely do NOT miss winter there LOL

Migraines........yuck!

I used to get them quite often and had learned how to work through them. Then I didn't get any for a long time. I have been up since 2:30 this morning with a really bad one. I hated to do it but I called in sick for school today. I just can't seem to function through the pain. My plan is to get the kids off to school and take more medicine then head back to bed to try to kick it.

I have some exciting news!

I have been chosen as the Guest Creative Team Member for the month of November for http://www.shopscrapbooksupplies.com/store/

Besides getting some very cool product for my CT projects I am also being given a discount code to share with my friends for the month of November. The code will allow the customer to receive a 15% discount off of their first order in the store (minimum of $10 order before taxes, shipping, etc)
the code is PSREF. Feel free to share this with your friends also :-)

Faith, Pride, and following God's will

Warning: this is another personal post so feel free to skip it if it's not your thing but there are some major changes going on in my life that I feel led to write about.

I have always considered myself a "good person" but not one to toot my own horn so much. In fact I am probably the first to list my faults and failures. Well, it seems I have let this list of what I consider to be my shortcomings get in the way of following God's will. I learned a couple of hard lessons recently........ones that I fought against. Here is what I learned ..... saying "I am not good enough" is just as prideful as saying "I am too good". Also that it is just as prideful to refuse myself forgiveness over something God has already forgiven me for Wow! These were both really hard for me to wrap my heart around! I am so thankful to God for bringing good people into my life who care about me enough to tell me the truth even if it is hard and/or painful for me to hear.

My "lessons" began when my good friend Melissa felt led to ask me to take on responsibility for some new ministries in our church. I have been perfectly content to be the "grunt worker behind the scenes and did not feel the need to be in charge of anything or even recognized for my contributions. In fact I was quite sure I had no business teaching anybody about living a life for God when I had messed up my own so badly. I politely told her no I did not think I was "good enough" to be the leader she was asking me to be when I felt like I had failed my own child so badly. She persisted in her sweet and caring "Melissa way". I shared this with Allen (who I am so grateful was brought into my life by God) along with my certainty that I was not "good enough" to do this. He very sweetly and with great love told me this was.......... are you ready for this???? PRIDEFUL! He said saying I am not good enough to be used as God wants me to be is just as prideful as saying I am too good or I am too busy. Ouch! We also talked at great length over how far I have come in my healing process but that I keep hitting a roadblock in dealing with forgiving myself for what happened to my oldest daughter. Guess what his response was again???? Yup......you guessed it............. said sweetly and with great love............ PRIDEFUL! His exact words were" if God has already forgiven you and you refuse to forgive yourself does this mean you think you are smarter than God"? Another OUCH!

So now I am struggling with my inability to forgive myself and also with thinking is this prideful and getting in the way of God's plans for me? I set up a meeting with my pastor who also with sweetness and much love tells me EXACTLY what Allen did................ even using the exact same scripture quotes. I am beginning to see a pattern here :-)

I leave Marc's office and I am still struggling but I am also beginning to see what I must do. I must finally and totally give my daughter over to God and trust him to take care of her and I must finally forgive myself for my feelings that I failed her. Easier said than done but I am working on it. Along with this I must also stop saying I am not good enough and allow Him to use me in whatever way He wants to because He is God and He most certainly can.

Who do I bump into on my way out of Marc's office but my friend Melissa? She wants to talk but has a meeting and no time. I give a sigh of relief thinking I am off the hook for a bit. NOT! I get a call just a bit later asking me to meet Melissa for ice cream. We talk, we pray together, we cry together and the end result is she is not letting me off the hook either. Guess what she said very sweetly and with much love? Yup.......you guessed it! It's time to quit being prideful and follow the road God is leading me down and she is expecting me to hit that road running.

So here I go again down a road that fills me with uncertainty and walking with blind faith that God is in control and He loves me enough to not only forgive me but He apparently has big plans to use me and my life experiences. And He has placed many good and loving people along my road to guide me and catch me when I stumble over my own pride.

song lyrics for today from Never Alone by Mercy Me

Mercy Me is one of my favorite Christian groups. I heard this song on the radio from my blogspot today and stopped doing emails to listen. Wow! How often I feel that way throughout my days........ like I am just not doing "good enough" at anything. Sometimes I feel like I am "ok" but it doesn't take much to slide me over that edge of feeling scared and alone. And what a great reminder that He is always here with me, holding me, and all is right because I belong to him

It's been one of those days
When everything just feels so far away
Hope don't be a stranger
Won't you help me make it through today?

Then a voice comes calling out to me
You're never alone cause I am with you
And I will always be
I will hold you cause you belong to me
You're never alone cause I'll be with you
For all eternity

Someone tell me how I
Stumble into doubting all the time
Some days I'm all together
And other days I stand here asking why

Then a voice comes calling out to me
You're never alone cause I am with you
And I will always be
I will hold you cause you belong to me
You're never alone cause I'll be with you
For all eternity

Wow! This song!

I have shared before how music speaks to my heart. I have heard this song by Sanctus Real numerous times on my radio. But yesterday as I was thinking of the mini album I will soon begin to complete my healing cycle I really HEARD it! In my heart for the very first time. I have most certainly felt God working in my heart and my life and people I care deeply for have expressed to me their belief that He intends to use the pain I have gone through in the last couple of years for the benefit of others. As I continue to heal and make changes in my life I believe are led by him my prayer is to be able to hear his voice and have the courage to follow it.

scrapbooking: not just for kids pages

I just ordered another custom cut from the laser lady. She has done several custom cuts for me. The most recent one she is working on right now. I asked her to design a circular chipboard album but the front cover is a broken heart that is cut so that part of the first page shows through the "break" in the heart, I think I am ready to start my "something happened on the way to forever" album. The front cover will be a wedding picture of Rex and I cut so one of us fits on either side with the the title on there somewhere and inside the break you will be able to see the reason we are no longer together. The rest of the pages will tell our story with the last pages being about my coming to grips with the idea that the man I thought would be my life partner forever became a stranger to me and how I healed. I have been working on this in my head and sketching out pages for a while. I know it will be difficult to do but I believe this is the last step in my healing process and i am ready to move on and begin living my life again.

sharing a song

I had a wonderful weekend but kind of a tough night last night. As I was doing my morning email I was listening to the Christian music station I have on my blog and this song came on that I wanted to share. It was a good reminder (and a much needed one) that no matter how badly we feel about some things in our lives God is literally only a prayer away and always remains faithful in loving us.

My friend Allen reminds me of this often when I am being too hard on myself over things I had no control over and could not have made different. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around forgiving myself for a very long time and one day Allen said this to me.............. "If God has already forgiven you and you won't forgive yourself does that mean you think you are smarter than God?" OUCH! But it was something I really needed to hear and often need reminding of.

I love Sundays!

Today started off with one of my favorite praise songs (Today is the Day) as the first song of opening. I LOVE that song..............believing that all He has for me is good :-) It felt like a birthday gift from God :-)

Sunday school time was spent helping with the little ones. Then the service was awesome with a scripture reading that my friend Allen has often quoted to me about using the talents God has given you in the way He intended. And it felt great to have Allen there with me :-)

National Card Making Day winner

Between blog entries and those at my Friday night crop I had 20 total entries. Way to go ladies!

Sorry I forgot to post a winner yesterday but I was on my birthday date (thanks to my crop ladies who recommended Elvis's for dinner...it was fabulous!) and didn't get home until late. I had a wonderful day but totally spaced the card drawing.

so as my morning coffee was brewing I put all the names into a basket and the winner is......................................................




Cathleen McGee! Congrats to Cathleen and I will be getting your prize to you.

Today is National Card Making day

I was hoping to have my Fall/Winter open house this weekend but my torn hamstring kind of prevented me from being able to get things ready for that so.............

In honor of National Card Making Day today, make a card of any size or shape. Post a link to it here or bring it to my second Friday crop at First Presbyterian church (where I will have lots of the new products displayed). I will do a random drawing from all the cards shared for a fun prize from the new fall/winter CTMH line

Wow! It's been a while since I made a blog post

Lots going on in my life right now and most of it good. Finances are still a bit tight but trusting God to get us through this time as He has so many others.

My torn hamstring is healing slowly but surely. It actually feels pretty good when I first get up in the morning but bothers me more as the day goes on. The good news is I will NOT be cancelling the October crop. I plan to venture down the stairs to my scrap studio this weekend. It will be the first time since I hurt my leg and I have TONS to do.

I am still totally in love with my new assignment for this year. I LOVE the students in our room as well as the teacher and other assistants I work with. So thankful for my principal's persistence in getting me to accept this and glad I followed God's leading also instead of listening to my own heart which is a bit stubborn and resistant to change. I wish I could share more about it but because of confidentiality issues I cannot. Suffice it to say each and every one of the kids in our classroom has touched my heart in some way and I am so happy to be making connections with them.

My own kids are all settling into the school year nicely..... all 3 are getting good grades, good reports, and love their teachers and classes. :-)

I guess my big news for this month is my birthday. It still amazes me when my kids remind me how old I am. I don't FEEL that old LOL. I am actually looking forward to my birthday this year for the first time in a long time :-)